People tend to mistakenly think that depression is more than just sadness. It becomes difficult to muster the motivation and energy to complete tasks that seem easy to others, such as taking a shower.
KC Davis, a licensed professional counselor and founder of Struggle Care, understands this from both personal and professional experience. In 2023, she gave a TED talk titled “How to do laundry when you’re depressed.” Mr. Davis provided sage guidance for completing basic care tasks when it’s hard to do anything else, and reminded everyone that struggling with these things doesn’t mean failure.
Davis explained that there’s nothing wrong with providing your own accommodation when you need it.
Davis gave tips on how to cook, clean, and do basic self-care for those struggling with depression, bereavement, unemployment, and any of the myriad other challenges life can throw at you.
“If you have trouble showering today, bring baby wipes,” she urged. “It may not be the normal way to do it, but you have a right to be clean.”
We all have to do things like eat to survive, but this doesn’t have to look perfect or be overly complicated, Davis says. “If you’re having trouble making dinner, grab a paper plate and heat up something frozen,” she continued. “You’ll have to go back to cooking and doing the laundry another day, but that day isn’t today. In the meantime, you have the right to eat.”
“If you’re too depressed to do the dishes, buy a 2-gallon Ziploc bag and keep it in your bedroom. Put your dirty dishes in a 2-gallon Ziploc bag and seal it to keep bugs away. Even if you can’t get out of bed, you still need a sanitary environment.”
It’s easy to feel guilty if you don’t complete self-care tasks, but Davis says there’s no reason to do so.
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Davis explained that she has discovered a philosophy while working at the intersection of mental health and care work. “And it all starts with one simple idea: cooking, cleaning, washing, that doesn’t make you a good person or a bad person,” she argued. “Listen, nursing work is morally neutral.”
In other words, completing these tasks does not define a person as good or bad. Those jobs are just jobs, and even if you can’t accomplish them, you still deserve to be cared for and loved.
“When you free yourself from thinking that you are a good or bad person when it comes to your care work, you can stop thinking about the right way to do things or the way things should be done, and instead start thinking about how you can solve current barriers to improve your quality of life today,” she said.
By viewing care work as morally neutral, we can stop measuring our worth based on the standards of others and find what works for us as individuals.
This is a far cry from a concept Davis came up with on his own. Psychologist Deborah Cerrone, Ph.D., acknowledged that when dealing with depression, things that once felt trivial can suddenly seem “unattainable.”
Although some people believe that depression is not serious, science shows that depression actually changes the way a person’s brain works. Cerrone explained that living with depression usually means that the frontal lobe is not functioning properly.
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This part of the brain controls executive functions such as judgment and planning. This is why it becomes so difficult to complete tasks that others believe are no big deal.
Davis acknowledged that “for people who live in a world inundated with perfect Pinterest aesthetics, it can feel like a moral failure to take on these tasks, just as much as it is because we are lazy, irresponsible, or immature.”
But she said that was completely wrong. “You have to give yourself permission to do a little bit. To take shortcuts. To do it while breaking all the rules,” she said. “And replace the inner voice that says, ‘I’m a failure,’ with the inner voice that says, ‘I’m having a really hard time right now, and those who are struggling deserve compassion.'”
Allowing yourself to be “enough” in an increasingly difficult world means giving yourself grace and showing yourself the love and care you deserve, and Davis clearly supports this.
Alexandra Blogier (MFA) is a writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, personal development topics, and interesting stories about relationships.
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