When I was so depressed that I couldn’t even drink water, a stranger’s voice saved me.

I was halfway through Elvia Wilkes’ The Oval, a fictional feminist dystopian novel, when an overwhelming, familiar wave of depression washed over me.

It became impossible to decipher the words printed on the page.

Knowing that these periods had forgotten me for weeks and not intending to wait so long to find out the fate of the main character, I resorted to the unthinkable – the audio version.

As I listened, it occurred to me that these audiobooks might be the ones that could help me overcome my bipolar disorder.

Bipolar disorder is expressed differently depending on the person suffering from the disease. In my case, since I was diagnosed, I went through a debilitating period of depression.

They have waves of suicidal thoughts and are unable to move, speak or eat. My energy levels are plummeting and the most basic tasks are impossible.

Worst case scenario, you stop drinking water because you know you don’t have enough energy to go to the bathroom.

During these episodes I don’t feel anything.

My only cognitive experience is a nagging voice in my head that I have come to recognize as my own, convincing me that there is no reason to continue living and that I should end my life.

Previously, when such symptoms occurred, I would take sleeping pills and pass out.

I spent a good part of the year like this. Unconscious. I’m waiting for the pain to pass.

Then, once the episode recovered, I started answering the numerous messages, emails, and phone calls that I had missed. I was always making excuses, didn’t want to be honest about my disability, and was ashamed of my inability to “get on with life.”

One of the worst aspects of my episode was the shame that accompanied the days of lying in bed and accomplishing nothing, and feeling like I had to make up for the weeks when I wasn’t powerless by accomplishing twice as much.

This caused undue stress, which permeated the rest of my life.

I still experience these episodes. It always happens that way. But a few years ago, everything changed.

I stumbled across a steady life raft, a companion that supports me through dark days.

As cliché as it may sound, audiobooks have dramatically improved the situation.

When a friend suggested that I might like an app called “Audible,” I scoffed, saying, “Listening to audiobooks doesn’t count as reading!”

But that episode happened when I was reading Oval.

As soon as I started listening instead of trying to concentrate on the written page, I felt a sense of calm. An unprecedented sense of security. comfortable.

My mind slowed down and the terrifying suicidal thoughts no longer raced through me. There was silence. Feeling safe.

In my episodes, I don’t feel like moving much. No need to listen to audiobooks.

When the suicidal voices in my mind were frighteningly strong, I found the narrator’s calm flow of words to be a distraction.

When I’m at my lowest point, I feel like no one else has suffered as much as I have.

But in the background, through my speakers, characters struggle with discrimination, war, disease, heartbreak, and death.

Flickers of perspective pass through the mud of my mind. Memories of love. Hope. Humanity.

Audiobooks make me feel like I’m not really alone.

When I was first diagnosed, I spent several weeks in a psychiatric hospital.

I tried everything: drugs, CBT, wellness retreats.

Certainly some of it helpedbut nothing healed me, and audiobooks had more of an impact than anything else.

It’s clear that words are my way of dealing with these symptoms of depression. I’m fascinated by the transformative power of language.

Having studied English at university and working as a freelance journalist, I have always been fascinated with reading and writing.

I used to think that the written word was the only way to get information, and that in times of crisis, the written word was something I couldn’t get.

But now, instead of beating myself up, learn. Playing an audiobook can help you stay alert.

I have an Audible subscription that includes 3 audiobooks a month.

Connect your smartphone via Bluetooth to a speaker in your room and play it frequently in succession until the major depressive episode has passed.

I started to think that audiobooks might bring back pleasant memories of having books read to me as a child.

My father read a lot of books to me.

By the time I was 10, he had read the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy. Those positive memories are one of the reasons I believe audiobooks are an effective way to deal with my depression.

In a recent episode, I listened to Kay Redfield Jamison’s book, “An Unquiet Mind.” This is a wonderful memoir that explores Jamison’s experiences living with bipolar disorder.

So far, I haven’t come across anyone else who consciously uses audiobooks to self-medicate their mental illness.

In 2023, I will be hosting a series of free bipolar disorder workshops where I will discuss my personal experiences with the benefits of audiobooks and the positive impact they have had on me.

People are gravitating toward audio versions of content. Podcasts, novels, memoirs, nonfiction, lectures, and more.

In the age of endless scrolling and constant computer screens, we are choosing alternative ways to obtain information.

I hope that through this medium, others can find respite from mental or physical pain.

In a world full of overstimulation, overproductivity, sensory assault, and disrupted attention spans, I found solace in the simple comfort carried by the voices of others.

And it gave me a break I never could have imagined.

Have a story to share? Email jessica.aureli@metro.co.uk.

Please share your opinion in the comments section below.

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