Netflix’s eight-part reality series It follows seven couples as they overcome their relationships with the help of therapist Karen Doherty.
This on-the-wall documentary focuses on therapy sessions and real-world interactions between couples, and deals with issues such as infidelity, dishonesty, financial hardship, and parenting.
Doherty, a couples therapist and relationship coach, said the show was just like her day job.
“I couldn’t get in touch with them. [the couples] Other than the six hours of therapy I did with them,” she says.
“The whole show is based on the premise of knowing what the therapist discovers in the moment and reacting appropriately on the spot. We all stuck to that format.
“Other than therapy, I didn’t have to do anything with them. And the production team was very good. The room they created looked exactly like one of my exam rooms.”
“I think it was a surprise to everyone involved,” Doherty said. “The contributors came in and had these issues, but I don’t think they really expected it to be this vulnerable.
“It’s about getting couples to talk and see each other, see what’s going on, release grudges, communicate and reconnect.”
Couples therapy can be effective, Doherty added.
“It creates an opportunity for couples to hear each other’s voices, and therapists can create a safe enough space for people to hear each other’s voices and not fall into patterns of just fighting and arguing and going back to old arguments,” she says.
“I don’t tolerate that in my room. It’s actually a great space, and I think this show democratized therapy and the idea that anyone can go to therapy and get something out of it.”
Signs that a couple may need therapy include:
“All these superficial things, all these arguments going on over the same thing, all point to something deeper going on underneath.”
Lack of communication skills is especially common in neurodivergent people.
“This happens when someone who is too overwhelmed to speak is thought to be ignoring, rejecting, or sabotaging someone. But in reality, they just have such dysregulation of their emotions that their executive functions aren’t working so they can’t actually form words.” [mental processes] It’s been compromised. ”
“When a couple is deprioritized in this way, it creates a problem because you can never bridge that gap.”
“You have to look at the intimacy,” Doherty says. “If it breaks, what’s going on?
“This is an important sign that we need to have a conversation.”
Common themes within the company Some couples have been reluctant to participate in therapy, but there are ways to approach this.
“Your partner may not want to go, but realistically, things aren’t going to get better. You should remind them of that first and then ask, ‘Are you sure you want to stay?'” she says.
“Then all you can do is make an introductory call with a therapist.
“Many of them do initial consultations like this, and I guarantee both you and your partner will get something out of it.”
Doherty said many couples really need help right now. “It’s a very complex time for modern relationships. They’re trying to navigate new environments that they’ve never experienced before, and old models aren’t necessarily equipped to deal with the new challenges couples are facing.”
“There’s a lot of over-connection and confusion around identity. There are men everywhere in crisis. Roles need to be discussed in very different environments.”
“Hopefully I can be one of those therapists who looks at this issue through that lens,” Doherty says.
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